BECAUSE I SAID I WOULD

Integrity, an elusive character trait that seems ephemeral in our day and age. The media is doing its job well of bringing some dirty truth to light: scams, deceitful business practices, lies to the public, corruption in government, preying on the poor or aged. One of the Conference talks I listened to today touched on integrity, and one sentence really touched a chord in my soul. In a story within that talk was a boy’s simple answer to his father: “I kept my promise because I said I would.”

“... because I said I would.”

Almost three decades ago, I made a promise to be honest with my fellowmen to the best of my ability. Making a promise such as this doesn’t guarantee a perfect record from the start, and most likely I will never have a perfect record. It took step-by-step conscious choices to get better and better at being honest with myself, my fellowmen and God. It’s been a slow process to say the least -- but I do recognize significant growth from where I started. My sense of self-respect has grown, I feel I can be a trustworthy friend and confidant, as well as feeling a greater sense that God is pleased with my path and pleased with the kind of person His daughter is becoming. Lying, stealing, cheating, deceiving -- I don’t think I had ever developed blatant habits of these dishonest practices; my struggle was with the seemingly small (but just as harmful) white lies to avoid confrontation and to manipulate outcomes. I had to become more sensitive to these, and develop the kind of integrity where I started thinking and doing what is right at all times, no matter what the consequences.

A few years back I was personally challenged to become even more exacting in my obedience -- and I honed my efforts in the area of honesty and integrity. I wanted to be the person who gave back the incorrect change. I wanted to be the person who could be counted on and completely trusted. I wanted to be able to speak without hypocrisy, to avoid misleading people by maybe not giving out all the facts. As I practiced these things, it became easier to choose the better way. So if you would have asked me to contemplate withholding important information five or so years ago, it would have been a no-brainer answer of No. Absolutely not.

Fast forward to today, where I am embroiled in a legal mess where one side is so flagrantly deceitful that the temptation to hit back tit-for-tat has been a constant battle in my head for months. It’s been especially pressing as I yearn for justice after many, many years of deceit, some known and some just coming to light. This appeal to be dishonest has really taken me by surprise. I thought I had conquered (for the most part) that corner of my character. As I have contemplated the struggle, I've come to realize that I haven't practiced honesty in this area before. I'm toe to toe with a mortal who shamelessly misleads and lies to put himself in the best possible light of victim, and portrays me as someone stupidly making accusations that seem exaggerated and irrational. It’s been a blow to my ego, and I have wanted in the worse way to defend myself. And I’ve also wanted to hit him back in an area that hurts him the most, albeit dishonestly.

It took some soul-searching to finally decide not to stoop to his level -- to hold my ground and continue on the path I started long ago and not throw away years of growth….all for what….money? “You can buy anything in this world with money” -- one of the many deviant whispers that pierces men’s hearts -- but you can’t buy honesty and you can’t buy integrity. I know that my initial impression to “protect myself” in these legal proceedings did not give me license to be deceitful. I will keep my promise... because I said I would.

The day after I made this decision, I heard this from Richard G. Scott: “The bedrock of character is integrity. …. it enables you in times of trial and testing to make difficult, extremely important decisions correctly even when they seem overpowering.” What a promise! Making “difficult, extremely important decisions correctly” is what I want more than anything right now, as it will affect the stability of my future.

I fully believe in what-comes-around-goes-around, the Law of the Harvest, what you sow you reap, and all the different variations of it. I have complete faith and trust in God that I will be blessed for my decision to take the high road. I know I will not be guaranteed a good outcome at the end of this divorce by staying the course, but I can look further ahead and know with all my heart that things will work out in the end and that there will come a day when all things will be made right.