BELONGING

What an incredible feeling to walk into our staff meeting last Monday and feel the warm smiles all around just for me. After being gone for a week, I felt truly missed  -- and not just because I was lightening other people’s loads by returning! I am fortunate to belong to a company that is not only a well-oiled machine, but where the small office staff truly cares and looks out for one another. We were not equipped to have me suddenly “out” for a week, with the possibility of four, but my bosses were only concerned about me taking whatever time I needed. They sent me a beautiful rose and lily bouquet the day after surgery -- a daily reminder while stuck in my bed that my second “family” wished me well. This second family has been a safe haven as my current home situation is in a state of flux, and sometimes not so safe. I’ve never considered myself a workaholic, but there have been days when it’s been nicer to stay at the office then return home.

I’ve always loved my “home” and what I’ve created here, but it ceased being that 3 years ago when Bill moved his business back to our house. It was almost like I lost my sacred, safe sanctuary, my own personal “space” in which I had peace during the day to re-group, regenerate and revitalize my aching heart and soul. Now that Bill was home 24 hours a day, that changed things significantly. Our marriage had already been in trouble for many, many years at this point, and this new dimension was not a healthy one for us. I’ve always equated Divorce with having a “broken home” -- and yet our home had been broken for many years without that official legal designation. Making the decision to divorce, and subsequently to move, was made easier when I began to look beyond the feelings of failure and see that I had an opportunity to create that “home” again, a secure place of belonging for me and my children.  

I may not belong to my marriage or my broken home anymore, but I believe in my innate gift to create again and start anew.